Never Kill Someone You Love Or Hate

If your inner voices tell you to kill someone, there are a thousand or more no nos if you have the slightest chance of getting away with it. First, don't kill someone you love or hate because you will automatically be a prime suspect right off the bat. With all the high tech crime solving devices, methods, and means of discovering unseen evidence left at the scene, your goose is cooked before you can fly the coop. Today, if you leave one eyelash, a smear of saliva, a speck of sweat, or an unheard ping off a cell tower, you are toast before breakfast.

Also, don't kill anyone you know well or casually or who is also known by someone else you both know. Those friend of a friend of a friend connections will blow your lying alibi out of the tub and all those friendly fingers will be pointing at you.

One of the most important no nos in the perfect murder is, whatever you do, don't have an accomplice. He will squeal like a piglet under those interrogation lights. And when you are being eaten up with guilt, regret or pride at your accomplishment, never seek relief by telling your friend, lover, brother, sister, priest, or cell mate what you did, and don't pray out loud. When they are called in for police questioning, they will all spill their guts, except Momma,  and you are on the skids to the big house up the river. 

So, your only possibility of the perfect murder is if you pick a total stranger in a distant State, on an isolated gravel road, many miles from any witnesses, cell towers, satellite coverage, or outside surveillance cameras which are on every type of building you pass.

Even then you must never take a cell phone along because Momma or Sweetie Pie might call and you are nailed by an inaudible ping, with your name on it, bounced off a satellite to a cell tower 45 miles away from you, and permanently recorded there.

But first, you must steal a car, leaving no eyelash, toe print, finger print, body oil, or gum wrapper in it. After you shoot the poor stranger, in the middle of nowhere, you must drive the speed limit to another distant, isolated spot hidden by mountains and trees. There, burn the stolen car and walk or hitch-hike back to where you left your car, keeping your face hidden, not touching door handles or letting  anyone hear your voice. Therefore, nobody will pick you up so you will have to walk, but not on the roads or trails. Go across country ... where there are no witnesses. But always try to look innocent because unseen little ole ladies are peering out their windows watching every move you make and calling Thelma, Gladys and Myrtle on their farms letting them know a suspicious stranger is headed their way and to lock their doors. 

If you make it home without being arrested as a trespasser, take a hot bath with a gallon of bleach mixed in. Then go out and try to establish an alibi, for those last several days, week or month, with two or three believable upstanding citizens. If that fails, Momma will lie for you that you were at home watching TV with her all day at the time of the crime ...  and Sweetie Pie will swear you were in bed with here the whole time. Now you can go back to work if you still have a job. Then, as you go out your front door, stretch out your wrists for the cops surrounding your house ... you're done. Your friend, Jimbo, next door, was visiting his aunts Thelma, Gladys, and Myrtle on their farms and saw you get hung up on that barbed wire fence near where you burned that stolen car, and Myrtle's husband Elmer, was hunting squirrels in those trees and saw you burn it.

So if those inner voices keep saying "kill", it might be easier to just kill yourself.... there is no trial, prison time or execution for that. RB